What My Border Collie Taught Me About Managing Humans

Border Collies are high maintenance! We stumbled upon what must have been a 3-4 month old puppy after an especially violent thunderstorm in Beijing. The poor thing must have got lost, no way someone didn't want him (the price at the time crazy). Border Collies are working dogs, have high energy, they need structure, clear expectations, and consistent systems so living in a city, in an apartment is not ideal and a classic recipe for chaos.

The Cesar Millan Education

During a long business trip, jet lagged, unable to sleep, I stumbled upon Cesar Millan's Dog Whisperer reruns on Discovery Channel. His formula: Exercise, Discipline, Affection. In that order. Always in that order. He explained most pet owners do Affection, Affection, Affection. They shower love without structure. The result? Anxious, confused dogs who don't understand boundaries.

When I got back to Beijing, I decided to test it, I had nothing to lose.

First: Exercise. Minimum 1 run + 2 walks per day and evening dog meetups in the complex next to ours for a good hour. We'd meet Labradors, Golden Retrievers, Teddys and "Beijing Pugs," regardless of weather or my energy level. For those who don't know, Beijing in winter is cold - we're talking -10°C. The dogs have fur, we had coats.

Second: Discipline. Clear rules, consistent enforcement. No sleeping on the couch meant no sleeping on the couch - not sometimes.

Third: Affection. Only after the first two were handled.

Within a couple of weeks the dog was calmer, more responsive and just easier to manage.

I wasn't being harsh. He could finally relax because he always knew what came next.

COVID Lockdown Stress Test

The twins came during COVID lockdown. Confined to our Shanghai apartment for months, managing two babies and the dog while working remotely.

The chaos was familiar. Two high-energy humans with zero understanding of boundaries, completely dependent on us.

We started applying the same formula and bringing the kids along: exercise (walks NO stroller 50m first, then 100m ....), discipline (consistent routines around feeding, bath time, and bedtime) and affection.

Sounds cold when written out like that. But here's the thing. Children thrive on predictable systems just like Border Collies. Just like humans.

Discipline is not Punishment

It's not emotional reaction when you're frustrated. Discipline is creating calm, consistent environments where learning can happen. It's following through on established procedures, regardless of how you feel in the moment.

When my son throws a tantrum because bedtime routine starts at 8 PM (they started at age 1 going to bed at 8 PM and still do today - they're now 6), I don't negotiate or get emotional. The system runs regardless of his opinion about it. He learns predictability, my wife and I maintain sanity and get time in the evening to decompress.

We often get the sequence wrong

We lead with affection; trying to make everyone happy, avoiding difficult conversations, hoping problems resolve themselves through kindness.

But affection without structure creates anxiety. Children need boundaries to feel secure. Teams need clear expectations to perform well.

The same applies to people. I once had an employee whose pay was in USD but he lived elsewhere. When the USD FX deteriorated, his take-home shrank, and he started nagging. Then he got angry, almost threatening.

The easy move is to match the heat. I didn't. Calm, composed, I told him plainly: it's a matter of fairness to everyone else. Bend it for him and I break it for the rest.

He was let go shortly after. Not for being upset, everyone gets upset. For expecting the system to bend for him alone. No one is truly irreplaceable, it is only a matter of how much pain you are willing to take.

Self Discipline is what makes it work

The hardest part about this approach? It requires self discipline.

You can't implement systems inconsistently based on your mood. You can't skip exercise because you're tired, ignore discipline because you want to be liked, then wonder why affection isn't working.

The system works when you work the system. Especially when you don't feel like it.

Some days I didn't want to walk the dog in -8°C weather. Some nights I didn't want to enforce bedtime routine when the kids were having fun. Some weeks I didn't want to have difficult conversations with team members about missed deliverables.

But consistency is what creates the calm environment where everyone can function effectively. The dog learned to trust the routine. The twins developed secure attachment within clear boundaries. Teams performed better knowing exactly what was expected.

Easier, Happier

Here's what surprised me: this systematic approach actually increased genuine affection and connection, not decreased it. The structure created the space for it.

Armani was with us 13 years. He never needed the couch. Somewhere in those years the twins learned the same thing he did, that the routine holds whether you feel like it tonight or not. Exercise, discipline, affection. In that order, always. A soaked puppy in a Beijing thunderstorm taught me more about managing people than any job did.

Turns out it was never really about the dog.