There are only a few moments in life that truly change us. Perhaps only two or three completely shift our thinking, perspective, and priorities. These are the moments that transform us as individuals.
A wise father of a good friend once said, “You truly become a man when you become a father.”
Initially, I thought it was nice to have that milestone checked off. But I soon realized how immature that perspective was.
The pregnancy was far from ordinary!
The COVID Breakout
I had just arrived in Italy when news of the COVID outbreak spread, and my wife was in China with her parents. As the days went by, the number of cases increased, and more and more flights were being canceled. Panic started to set in. Having lived in China for a long time, we knew that a border closure was imminent. My original flight was canceled and rescheduled, only to be canceled again as I was heading to the airport. Fortunately, we managed to find a route from Budapest to London to Hong Kong to Nanjing.
When I landed in China, everything seemed fine, but the provinces had unofficially closed their borders. Finding transportation became a challenge and relied heavily on connections. I took a taxi from the airport to the border between Jiangsu and Anhui, and my wife arranged for a family friend to pick me up on the other side. Throughout the entire journey, there was hardly anyone around. Villages and towns along the route had makeshift barriers to restrict entry. Our main concern now was getting from Anhui to Shanghai, our home. Luckily, the highways were still open.
After grabbing a quick bite, we hopped in the car with our dog and sped towards Shanghai. It was the most relaxing drive I’ve ever had on G42! Normally, this journey takes at least 6 hours, but on that day, it only took a little over 3 hours because there were hardly any other vehicles on the road.
The reason we needed to rush to Shanghai was simple. In China, you have to register the birth at a specific hospital, and changing hospitals is difficult.
Makeshift Hazmat
As the situation in Wuhan unfolded, hospitals elsewhere started to impose stricter policies. Entry to hospitals became limited and restricted. I couldn’t accompany my wife, so I would drop her off while she wore a makeshift hazmat suit made up of an anorak, gloves, and a face mask.
This continued throughout her entire pregnancy. New measures were constantly being put in place, including additional checks and test requirements. We felt safe knowing that the authorities were taking every possible action to limit and control the spread of the virus. Despite the terrible news, people on the ground were still trying to maintain their normal lives.
My wife visibly experienced pressure, strain, and fatigue as time went on.
A Blue and a Pink Sweet
We were already aware that there was a high probability of having twins, which was confirmed during one of my wife’s tests. In China, the culture is different when it comes to sharing specific details. Twins are not uncommon, but we wanted to be completely certain before saying anything. The genders are not officially revealed.
Around the fifth or sixth month, we discovered a “clinic” and scheduled an ultrasound to obtain 4D images of the babies and determine their genders.
The person conducting the ultrasound remained silent but placed a blue candy on the table when she identified the image of the first baby and a pink candy for the second one.
The Big Day
During the six months of check-ups, I never set foot in the hospital. As expectant parents, we finally entered the hospital together for the first and last time!
The entry process was quite funny. The hospital required COVID tests, but they only asked us to do it after we had already walked around the hospital grounds, taken the elevator, and registered at the ward. They should have asked before letting people in!
But it didn’t bother us. It was T-1, and we had other concerns. Finally, the big day came. My wife was the first in line for a c-section, and after a long wait, we finally met our little boy and girl.
The Differences
During the entire pregnancy, I noticed changes. At first, there was a physical transformation. Towards the end, I felt punches and kicks. But as an expectant father, I felt detached. The changes seemed peripheral to me. I can only imagine that mothers have a direct experience of these changes.
I didn’t consider the kind of father I would be or wanted to be. I suppose I was unprepared until the last minute. But everything changed when I saw them. A huge wave of pride and responsibility engulfed me.
Pseudo TL;DR
My view of life has changed forever. My priorities have completely shifted, revolving around my twins. Now I fully understand the wisdom shared by my friend’s father. Having a child is a transformative experience. Your time, energy, and focus are completely consumed by a tiny human weighing approximately 3kg. If we consider Einstein’s equation about mass warping space-time, babies are even more influential than black holes.
My one piece of advice for expectant fathers is straightforward. Take each day as it comes, support your partner, and don’t worry about how you will react. I didn’t do much preparation because I wanted to experience and adapt to my journey in a way that felt right to me, not because it was written in a guidebook! (which by the way doesn’t exist!)
Enjoy the peaceful moments before the chaos begins because the quiet times are now behind you. You are no longer just “I”.